update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
