Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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