so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
