Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
