My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
