Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
