Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
