So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the condom got lost in my hair
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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