Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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