Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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