youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
