watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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