I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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