With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
