She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
