arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
