Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
