is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
