why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
