why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
