I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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