So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
