I just pynch a tree in the face
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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