I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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