But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
