It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
