You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
