What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
