I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
