I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
