I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
