did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
