I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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