So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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