did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
