She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
