Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
