I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
