so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
