Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
