He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
