i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
