I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry about my life...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
