The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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