I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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