I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
