it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
