Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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