Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
