question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
