She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
